lack of equilibrium

I no longer wait for you to write me back

I waited, for your words,

I waited, and I waited, and you never did respond

I hoped and cried and loved and hated

Searched and found your anger and I found my own darkness too

a sea of blackness and blueness

an abyss if you wish

I still have two of your electronic letters printed out

I thought of sending them back to you

Not in ashes, like before

For you to read your cruel last words to me

I realize your words  in the beginning were full of false flattery

And they never matched your actions or inactions

They were beautiful words you could never live up to

Maybe you could — but just not for me

You destroyed me several times

But never again —

I learned from you my friend

Not to fall for pretty words strung together

stuffed into an envelope

You often came to me in need

And when you could have repaid that kindness

Your words were only full of cruelty.

Don’t get me wrong some moments shared were utterly magic

Beautiful, and even your cruelty cannot erase that

But those moments don’t tip the balance of a scale

even into an equilibrium

Your cruelty weighs heavier than lead

And the airy lightness feeling of love that filled me once

is not enough to raise the weight of cruelty

And to be honest in hindsight I was cruel too — but not first

That was all your doing and I will not play that game with anyone

Cause I would win, but it is game I would rather not participate in

My father gave me small scales — meant to weigh precious things, before he passed away

Maybe he knew I would find it of useful, I use it now.

 

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “lack of equilibrium

  1. This resonates. Great piece of writing.

    Like

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